Are scientists putting chemicals in the water that makes the frickin mice gay? Well, no. Obviously not. Regrettably, Nancy Mace may or may not be confused about this. Maybe we can shed some light on the situation and help her out.
You may or may not remember the many times I’ve written about Nancy Mace, who is (for now) the representative from South Carolina’s 1st congressional district. She was elected to congress in 2020, reelected in 2022 and 2024, and recently lost her bid to become South Carolina’s next governor, which brings my heart great joy.
In 2024, I wrote about Nancy’s strong desire to segregate Capitol Building bathrooms. One month later, I reported that every bone in her body had been turned to dust by an overly enthusiastic handshake from a hater. Miraculously reconstituted, in January of 2025 Nancy asked Representative Jasmine Crockett to cash her outside, howboudat? Finally, April last I penned a little ditty about that auld biddy and her terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week. Spoiler alert: She loves to say the T slur!
After a well deserved break from mocking Nancy Mace, I’ve dusted off my spurs and hat so I can talk about the TRANS MICE Act. Stop laughing! Quit guffawing! Put an end to your chortling this very instant, you ghoul, because American mice need to be protected from the woke scientists that intend to trans their genders.
Yeah, that’s right. In July of last year, Nancy introduced a bill to “prohibit the availability of Federal funds for… any research to study the effects of drugs, hormones, surgery, or other interventions to alter the body of a qualified animal to no longer correspond to the biological sex of such animal.”
There are carveouts for animals that change sex during their lifetimes or “naturally possess both male and female reproductive organs,” both of which are definitions that could technically be applied to human beings. You’d like me to explain how, I assume? Sure, problem! In brief: Firstly, cross-sex hormone therapy (to say nothing of long practiced sexual reassignment surgeries) explicitly alter your anatomical sex. Secondly, your balls were once ovaries, and your ovaries could have been balls.
Boom. Got ‘em. Legalized federal funding for studying the effects of drugs, hormones, surgery and other interventions to alter the body of human beings. In one fell swoop, I’ve toppled the Trump regime and made such a fool of Nancy Mace that she has no choice but to retire from public life immediately.
Anyway. Rather than dunking on the actual bill Nancy introduced to congress without a shred of self-awareness or shame, people have mostly interpreted her anti-trans mice stance to be a confusion of the concept of research into transgenic mice. The term “transgenic” refers to “an organism or cell whose genome has been altered by the introduction of one or more foreign DNA sequences from another species by artificial means,” like a mouse who has had its genes spliced with a 1997 Ford Expedition, so you can drive the mouse around on adventures in the countryside.
The reason people believe Mace has confused transgender mice with transgenic mice is most likely because Donald Trump made a similar gaff in March of last year, and was promptly roasted by Jimmy Kimmel, the enduring bad boy of late night television. Or, uh, whatever… I haven’t watched late night since Conan went off the air, if I’m being honest.
In a second tweet, Nancy insists she said what she meant and meant what she said, that transgenic mice are not the mice that she dreads. She shared a link to a press release on her own website that explains the purpose of the TRANS MICE Act, published in August of last year. In this press release, Nancy references a hearing held by the House Oversight and Accountability Subcommittee titled, “Transgender Lab Rats and Poisoned Puppies: Oversight of Taxpayer Funded Animal Cruelty.”
At this hearing, Nancy claims that the Biden administration spent millions of taxpayer dollars transing the genders of various mice. Says who? Justin Goodman, Senior Vice President of the White Coat Waste Project, who proudly testified before congress about the frickin gay mice. Justin’s testimony before the Oversight and Accountability Subcommittee primarily focuses on the idea that the United States government is wasting scads of our money pursuing entirely frivolous and often cruel medical experiments on animals. Whether or not that is true is not within the scope of this article, and I invite you to form your own opinions on that front well away from me, thank you very much.
Instead, I’ll tell you what Nancy and Justin were talking about when they said the Biden era National Institutes of Health was blowing cash left and right on transgender mice.
Justin’s source for this claim comes from a December, 2024, Washington Examiner article that contains a document detailing a handful of gender-related NIH grants issued to study complicated hormonal health concerns. Many of these grants do explicitly focus on studying the health of people (or, strictly speaking, mice) undergoing cross-sex hormone therapy. Some of those grants included:
- Whether or not transgender men taking exogenous testosterone might be at risk of poorer wound care outcomes, based on research suggesting that cisgender men’s wounds heal worse than cisgender women’s wounds.
- What the effects of feminizing hormone therapy on HIV vaccine-induced immune responses might be.
- How long-term exogenous testosterone usage in transgender men might affect their reproductive health.
Valuable studies into transgender healthcare where there is almost no existing research. Far less amusing than the idea of mad scientists cruelly injecting the drugs that make you gay and trans into lab mice as part of Dark Brandon’s woke DEI agenda. If you’re Nancy Mace—and my therapist assures me I am not—weaponizing misinformation about research into trans healthcare is the underlying goal, and it must be said: Mission Accomplished. Most of the grants outlined in that Examiner document were targeted for termination by a mass NIH purge of any disbursed funding that went to causes a guy like RFK, Jr., might define as wOkE, and have been trapped in court proceedings for more than a year.
So, yeah, Nancy’s telling the truth. Sort of. Her bill isn’t about transgenic mice. She really does want to put an end to transgender mice. The TRANS MICE Act exists to make permanent the kind of anti-LGBTQ+ research RFK, Jr., tried to scrub from the NIH’s payroll, and it’s a horrendously shameful maneuver. Queer Americans have just as much right to safe healthcare outcomes as cis-het Americans do, and funded research grants are the only way those positive outcomes are possible.
Fortunately, Nancy’s wet fart of a bill hasn’t made a move out of committee since it was introduced last year, so the odds of it actually going anywhere are slim to none.
