A Formal Declaration on Behalf of Assigned Media
A non-exhaustive list of minor crimes that Assigned Media does not condone.
by Evan Urquhart
It has been suggested that if the transgender community were more reasonable and less extreme then our rights and our lives would not currently be in danger from the far right. In light of this, Assigned Media has decided to make a formal declaration detailing the many minor crimes that we do not condone. In some cases, these are minor crimes that a trans person has allegedly committed, in other cases we wish to acknowledge the possibility that a trans person might commit such a crime, and pre-emptively distance ourselves from any such occurrence.
Assigned Media does not condone suitcase theft.
Assigned Media does not condone children fighting.
Assigned Media does not condone deforestation.
Assigned Media does not condone warrentless wiretapping.
Assigned Media very much does not condone parking in a bike lane.
Assigned Media does not condone throwing pies at people without their consent.
Assigned Media does not condone jaywalking or speeding. We promise to do better.
Assigned Media does not condone stalking, by politicians or anyone else.
Assigned Media does not condone tax evasion.
Assigned Media does not condone wage theft or any other form of illegal exploitation of employees.
Assigned Media does not condone phishing.
Assigned Media does not condone wire fraud.
Assigned Media does not condone littering, especially of chewing gum on public sidewalks, especially in our local neighborhood.
Assigned Media does not condone the deployment of booby traps on one’s property if there is a reasonable likelihood the traps could result in death or serious injury.
Assigned Media does not condone shoplifting but pleads that we were very young at the time and have made restitution to the owner.
Assigned Media does not condone yelling “Fire!” in a crowded theatre, except in cases where it is necessary to warn theatergoers of an actual or suspected fire.
Assigned Media does not condone exceeding the maximum capacity for a venue.
Assigned Media does not condone trespassing.
Assigned Media does not condone driving under the influence.
Assigned Media does not condone horse doping.
This list is not intended to be exhaustive, was written for the purposes of humor, and includes minor crimes only. Assigned Media also does not condone major crimes, war crimes, or acts of rudeness that fall short of being criminal. Assigned Media would like to bring your attention to the fact that trans people are human beings, and that only a full-throated and unapologetic bigot would hold all members of a group responsible when a prominent member of the group committed suitcase theft, much less when one teenage member of the group got in a scuffle with some other teenagers.
