TWIBS: What Would You Do With $134???
Conservatives spent more than $120 MILLION dollars astroturfing anti-trans hatred for this election cycle, which begs the question… what would trans people do if they had that cash?
by Alyssa Steinsiek
This Week in Barrel Scraping (TWIBS) is Assigned Media’s oldest column! Every Friday, Alyssa Steinsiek digs deep from the well of transphobia and finds the most obnoxious, goofy thing transphobes have said or obsessed over during the week and tears it to shreds.
It’s been a bad week. You don’t need me to tell you that. Democrats lost the presidency and it looks like they may very well lose both chambers of congress, too. Even if the House of Representatives doesn’t go to the Republicans, we’re looking at a very difficult, dangerous four years for any American who is not cisgender, white and heterosexual. I would have said cisgender, white, heterosexual and male, but considering the way white women tend to vote (if I may castigate my own people), uh, let’s just say collaborators is a four letter word.
I’m sure you’ve already read my plea for unity, the notion that we keep us safe and my most ardent hope that we can mitigate the damage to some degree as a community. I don’t need to convince any of you to love one another and fight the good fight. We’ll rest, recuperate, and return to the work soon enough.
For now… let’s talk about something dumb.
On Tuesday, Zane McNeill writing for Truthout reported on the absolutely shocking fact that Republicans spent nearly $125 million on anti-trans television ads this election cycle. It’s a fantastic article that you should absolutely read, with insight from trans journalists, politicians and activists like Erin Reed, Zooey Zephyr and Ash Orr into just how depravedly obsessed conservative politicians are with our community. But one quote in particular jumped out at me.
“That’s $134 per trans person in anti-trans ad spending,” said Harvard Law instructor and journalist Alejandra Caraballo in a tweet from her now private Twitter account. “To say that this assault on our community has been disproportionate is an understatement”
That number has been stuck in my head since I first read her tweet. I kept wondering, what would any given transgender person do if they suddenly found themselves bequeathed $134, no strings attached? There are some transphobes who, amusingly enough, like to portray our community as no more than middle- or upper-class Americans cosplaying our gender because we have too much free time on our hands. They see us as the wealthy elite fussing over imaginary problems because we simply don’t have any real ones.
I suspect that’s Caitlyn Jenner’s fault, personally, but I digress.
Anybody who actually knows any trans people will tell you right away that this is patently absurd. Very few trans women have one hundred Porches like Brianna Wu, and very few trans men have… uh… a very large collection of tightly fitted button down shirts like Buck Angel?
Sorry guys, I don’t think I’m up on my transmasc culture this time. Should I have gone with Chaz Bono? Does he have like… some really nice guitars, maybe? I don’t know, I’m at a loss. Look, my point is that most transgender people are doing okay at best, and are impoverished and on the streets at worst. Most transgender people would love to have a nice cash injection of $134, right? Well, that’s what I figured, anyway… so I asked a bunch of them!
Assigned Media’s Evan Urquhart said that, as a Bostonian (ick!), “I am obsessed with a certain objectively terrible coffee and breakfast chain that I won't name because they have not paid Assigned Media for advertising. My regular order costs $9.01, and I hold myself to once a week, no exceptions. By my calculations, with $134.00 I could get an iced coffee and a turkey sausage, egg, and cheese on an English muffin twice a week for 14.87 weeks. I would round that up to 15 weeks of one extra fast food breakfast, because I'm worth it.”
Our very own Valorie Van-Dieman said, “I’d probably buy a bookshelf, and then treat myself to some good sushi.”
Asking our friends over at What the Trans (who are not Americans, but, whatever!), Alyx said she’d replaced the fans in her computer, while Flint said that he’d get on HRT if he suddenly found himself with an extra $134. I absolutely cannot argue with the wisdom in that decision!
We also asked… if I’m reading this right, it says here we asked activist extraordinaire ALEJANDRA CARABALLO. Caraballo said “I’d spend it on my partner, on a nice date night where we can leave the world behind for each other. Love is what matters and ultimately what we need more of.”
Turning from famous pillars of trans activism to semi-anonymous friends of friends, Fiona said, “I’d buy a decent meal for my household, and a TV series box set for something that isn’t on a streaming platform. Whatever’s left over I’d use to buy scratch off tickets or a pack of cigarettes.”
Mandy said, “I suppose $134 is enough for another hour of electrolysis, edibles to survive the hour, and munchies afterward.”
Roxanne said, “The silly answer is a pair of custom Converse, two packs of cigarettes, and the rest for laundry. Reality? Pay extra on my credit card.” She also noted that she’s “disgusted and disappointed that our country is where it is now,” which is a sentiment we can all share, I would say.
Logan said, “I’d replace the spare tire we’ve been riding around on for almost a month.”
Shay said, “I would probably buy a bunch of Indian food.”
And finally, Hannah said, “I would buy ground beef, some chicken, a cabbage and carrots. Probably some bread, peanut butter, milk and cereal, some sort of snack item for the kids, and maybe a fancy coffee. Then put the rest in my gas tank.”
It’s a small sample size, but I think it proves my point! $134 isn’t a life changing amount of money for most people, but it seems like the most common answers from trans folks as to what they’d do with it if they had it spare are treating themselves and/or the people they love, or just grabbing some extra groceries to feed their family.
It certainly does boggle the mind that such a mild-mannered, hardscrabble group of Americans could possibly be worth $125 million in attack ads. I mean, that’s enough money to make a mid-budget feature film with, and these lunatics spend it lambasting little old us? We may not be able to take solace in the now abandoned hope that our national government will take care of us, but if you ever need to marshal your strength, consider this: These monsters were so terrified of you that they spent an obscene amount of money trying to scaremonger about you. That’s some serious juice, folks. Hold your head high, because we’re collectively worth twice as much as Jurassic Park!
Oh, and if you’re curious about what I would do with $134? The answer is, without a doubt, blow it all ordering delivery and eating my feelings about the last week, as is tradition.
Alyssa Steinsiek is a professional writer who spends too much time playing video games!
