Newsletter #8: If I Was Less Basic I Just Wouldn’t Be Me
I talked to the mom of a trans boy named Noah this week…
It was one of those interviews where it barely even feels like work, just an amazing chat. I think I’m a little jealous of her kid now, though. I love my own mom, but she did a pretty weird thing when I was young. She instituted a family fiction that I was- and always had been- extremely feminine. I think she knew, on some level, that I wasn’t, and she was scared. So to help her nervousness she told me all the time how feminine I was, how I never played with any toys but dolls, and how unthinkable it would be for me to be in any way boyish. I was 36 before I admitted who I really was, so even though she meant no harm it was something of a mess
Realizing I was trans is still the coolest thing that ever happened to me. I still feel awed at the “miracle of modern science” aspect, that you can take these drugs and in a year or three no one who meets you will ever think you could have been a girl. But for the trans boy in the documentary, it’s just his reality. He never spent years wishing he was a boy and trying to pretend that’s a normal thing for a girl to wish for, he just gets to be himself.
Well, mostly he gets to be himself. One thing I asked mom, that she said no one had asked about before, was about her son’s voice. His voice sounded incredibly normal for a teenage boy, which is a little rare for guys like us. I wondered if that was just the magic of testosterone, or if he might have worked to make it that way. I’ve worked so hard on mine, and to me he sounds a bit like me (he’s better tho).Anyway, his mom said testosterone helped, but the kid’s worked hard to sound just right. It sounded like its even something of a sore spot for him. Now, on one hand that is crazy, because his voice sounds great, but it’s also so understandable. My voice sounds pretty good as well, or so I’m told, but I’m self conscious about it- just like him.
Something I hope young trans people who are more cis passing know, or at least learn, is that it’s okay, as a trans person, not to be exactly like a cis person of your gender would be. I follow this amazing trans woman, comedian Riley Silverman, and she’s super talented and funny of course, but I’m mentioning her because, unlike me (and most trans people I know), Riley decided not to do much voice work. So, her voice sounds deep and it just is what it is.
When I first heard Riley (on my favorite podcast, Jordan, Jesse, Go) it was a revelation to be listening to a trans person who decided she would be herself, and not bother with changing her voice that much. I’m very tame and masculine and cis-normative in my appearance, and it’s important for me to see and learn from people who aren’t like that. Not because I need to change, but because they don’t. Basically, I want my basicness to come from a place of genuine boringness and lack of taste, and not a fear of standing out.
As trans people, we create ourselves, and often we do it outside the boundaries of what the mainstream culture imposes for a woman or a man. But some of us are just normies. And that’s OK too.
Dear Noah: Pages from a Family Diary airs on NBC News NOW on Friday, Nov. 18 at 10:30 p.m. ET and will also stream on Peacock.
ICYMI
The New York Times published a long piece about puberty blockers. They’re calling it investigative journalism, but I disagree! Assigned brought screenshots and a remedial course in journalistic ethics to the table.
Detransitioned woman and anti-trans activist Chloe Cole is suing the doctors who gave her gender affirming care when she identified as a trans guy. We’ve got a new, streamlined version of a timeline to keep track of the case, and we also did a post explaining some of the details of what Cole alleges.
Dave Chapelle appeared on Saturday Night Live last weekend. It was weird. He seems to want us to feel sorry for him.
Next Week
Let me tell you some sweet lies about what I intend, and spin you a dream that this week my intentions might be realized, unlike all the other weeks when I, er, did not succeed in making plans.
I’m looking into Chloe Cole a bit, though I’d be shocked if I find anything I can report by next week. I’m curious what she was like when she lived as a trans guy, and how her former friends feel about the switch she’s made to extreme anti-trans politics. If any of them will talk to me, you’ll hear about it.
Next Thursday is Thanksgiving, and I’m dogsitting for a friend who’s going out of town and I promise at least one picture of the dog in next week’s installment! Beyond that, I’ll be posting at least once daily on Assigned, and this newsletter will go out in some form (it’s just bad practice to take week's off so early in a project), but things will likely be a little slower paced due to the holiday.
Last note, apart from thanking you as always: I’m experimenting with a second newsletter, a digest summarizing Assigned’s big coverage areas. You will probably see it in your inbox tomorrow, but I’m not sure if ultimately it will be paid/opt in for members (like this one) or somethng I send out to everyone who gives their email to me. If you feel strongly that you DON’T want this clogging your inbox, please let me know, because I’m not trying to irritate you with too many emails. (A Friday digest is something reporters who want to keep up with my work without always having to visit the webpage have asked for.)
Evan
