Adult Human Female Dating App Poised to Suck
The next phase of Jenny Watson’s Transphobic Cinematic Universe has come to fruition! She says her dating app for cis lesbians, which scans your face like any normal app, is nearly fool-proof… but will it hold up in the long run?
by Alyssa Steinsiek
The latest move from anti-trans activist and founder of a planned transphobia-themed bar, Jenny Watson, is exactly as mind-numbingly stupid as you might expect. She’s created a weird phrenology app for transphobic lesbians to find dates, and I’m sure there’s absolutely no way that could backfire!
According to useless rag The Daily Mail, who interviewed Watson about her cool new phrenology software, the app—called L’App, like some sort of miserable French pre-dinner meal—will use “sex-recognition technology” to “ensure only biological females can sign up.” As ever, I cannot begin to guess what the fuck a “biological female is,” but maybe if we break down what the app is actually looking for we can come up with a few ideas.
When you sign up on the app, you have to let it scan your face, a decision that any dystopian science fiction film can tell you is a fantastic idea. The app will “analyze” features like “bone structure, the shape and positioning of an individual's eyes, eyebrows and nose shape or size” to determine whether or not you’re a true adult human female or just some sort of poseur.
Watson says L’App’s transgender detection is 99% accurate, an absolutely stunning number that I’m absolutely sure is correct and not made up. Considering trans people in general make up roughly one percent of the world population, my back of the napkin math suggests the app can’t actually catch any trans women at all. And if you’re thinking about being a naughty tran and attempting to fool this highly advanced technology, well, think again babygirl. The app will apparently be able to detect “movement, blinking motions, and heat emissions.”
Hey, can I just go ahead and say, no it can’t? No, it cannot do that last thing. Heat emissions? Are you fucking kidding me, Jenny? You understand, of course, that the technology to detect heat is not built into, like, any smartphone? Well, fine, besides that completely insane Caterpillar phone created for the final boss of all dads that I assume absolutely nobody ever bought, but Jenny isn’t thinking of that because she’s never heard of it, and most likely neither have you.
“There is no female-only dating apps at the moment”, Watson opined to The Mail. “Lesbians need an app which they can use without being messaged by trans-identifying males.”
God forbid you simply swipe left on the trans women you believe you can easily pick out of a crowd, every single time. Never mind that most trans women state very clearly in their dating profiles that they are transgender to, you know, avoid being murdered by a stranger on a date. Sure, though, we’re the real threat to cis women everywhere. Keep railing against us as hard as you can, Jenny.
Watson admitted to The Mail that she’s had some particularly amusing trouble fitting in on other dating apps.
“Any time I've joined a lesbian dating app or any other dating app myself, I get banned. To avoid trans-identified males, I will always write a little blurb, nothing disrespectful, saying my preference is for women and please respect my boundaries. And every time I do that I get banned. On one app I was asked to put down my most controversial opinion, so I wrote that J. K. Rowling was right and was banned for that. It's insane.”
Oh yes, Jenny, it’s the rest of the world that’s gone insane. You’re the only one who gets it. The rest of us are simply delusional, and that’s why other lesbians don’t want your rancid ass on their dating app. Have fun on your own app where the icky trans girls aren’t allowed. I’m sure the fact that other lesbians keep banning you from their dating apps is no indication of how successful your purity test app will be.
I wouldn’t expect that “99% accurate” assessment to hold up, though, considering the current state of the app, and that whole trans women as a percentage of the world population thing.
I should mention that there is currently a lawsuit working its way through Australian court regarding a similar dating app that bans trans women. I want to say that, while I understand why the lawsuit was filed—none of us want to be discriminated against in this way—I don’t actually think I want a court of law to legally define women, cis or trans.
I would rather let these sorts of endeavors collapse of their own accord, which they always will, because the actual pool of transphobic lesbians available to sign up for Jenny’s dating app or turn up to her shitty bar is vanishingly small.
So enjoy your weird obsession while it lasts, Jenny. We’ll still be here, thriving in the queer community, when you’re done being a freak about us.
Alyssa Steinsiek is a professional writer who spends too much time playing video games!
