This Week in Barrel Scraping: One Trans Girl is So Popular it’s National News

In Missouri, a transgender girl was crowned homecoming queen at Oak Park High School and the right-wing media has been crying bitter tears ever since.

by Alyssa Steinsiek

I’ve got the scoop on the latest transgendered who’s destroying women’s sports: her name is Tristan Young, and she’s ruining the female category of the venerated sport of being elected high school prom queen by your peers!

Oh, uh… sorry, I’m just now hearing that this isn’t a sport, actually.

Still, this trans woman is callously taking prize money and scholarships away from a…

… No, sorry, I’m now being told there’s no prize money or scholarships involved. If I’m reading this threat assessment from the Department of Homeland Security correctly, it appears that the danger involved in trans women being crowned homecoming queen is that they… uh… get to wear a pretty dress and a cute sash.

Okay, but we can at least admit that this is totally unprecedented, and—

I’m so sorry... I really hate to do this, but… it turns out Tristan Young isn’t even the first trans prom queen at this school.

I’m starting to worry this may not be the end of western society as we know it!

That’s right, trans teen Tristan Young has won the vote! She’s the latest homecoming queen at Oak Park High School in Missouri, and everybody’s being as normal as they possibly can about it.

Look at that evil transgendered girl… smiling and happy while those poor girls are forced to stand beside her… also smiling and happy. I can’t believe the woke moralists would force these poor girls to accept another girl as their friend, and vote for her in a high school popularity contest.

How could they do this!

Vile transphobic stochastic terrorist Chaya Raichik, also known as LibsofTikTok, jumped on this news within days, amplifying it to her audience of over two and a half million frothing-at-the-mouth bigots. In her ranty Substack post, Raichik quotes an anonymous local parent who is “appalled by NKC Schools’ continued support of the LGBT agenda.” This anonymous parent feels that supporting trans students runs counter to North Kansas City Schools’ claim that they are “champions for all students.”

The faux outrage is obscene. This is a competition at a high school level that has absolutely no stakes, and means nothing except that your peers like you enough to bestow a fictive monarchical title upon you for a week. Homecoming queen Tristan Young’s greatest s is, I guess, being likable.

At least everybody else reporting on this extremely benign, localized event is being super normal.

Oh, right…

Can somebody explain to me what the biological advantage for trans women is this time? Like… being nicer? This is even more of a head scratcher than that time we got banned from chess!

Professional bigot and former fifth-place college swimmer Riley Gaines also had something to say, and that something was that “men make the best women.” I’m not sure where she finds the time to bully teenagers on the internet, considering she’s so busy destroying Title IX to spite the transes, but it’s nice of her to squeeze that in.

Let me reiterate that nobody forced this on anybody else. When reached for comment by a local news outlet, NKCS made it very clear that students vote for their homecoming court, and that “the role of the school and/or district is to honor students’ voice and decision.”

This was not an insidious plot by woke school staff or board members. No outside influence created this situation. Tristan Young was voted homecoming queen by a micro-democracy, because her friends thought she should win. Maybe that’s what gets them so riled up in the first place; the undeniable truth that their own bigotry, their ick factor, doesn’t come natural to everybody else. That, in reality, Tristan’s peers love and accept her, where folks like Gaines and Raichik want to see her shunned by default.

But Tristan isn’t even the first trans girl to be honored by her peers at Oak Park High School.

Way back in the olden days of 2015, before president Trump—but right about the time the evangelical lobby lost Obergefell v. Hodges and began turning their ire towards the transgender community—Landon Patterson was voted homecoming queen at Oak Park High.

I’m sure there was some measure of local uproar back then, but it wasn’t the same kind of media sensation that we see today every time a trans woman dares to succeed.

So maybe we aren’t the problem. Maybe the kids aren’t being “indoctrinated” by the “woke mob” to support trans people. Maybe the kids are, by and large, alright, and people like Raichik and Gaines are bigoted grifters using transphobia as a springboard to wealth and attention.

Who can say?

What I can tell you with certainty, though, is that we aren’t going anywhere. They can legislate against us, they can slander us in public, they can kill us in the streets… but we’re going to keep being homecoming queens. We’re going to keep winning beauty pageants. We’re going to win over and over again, in public and in private, in ways big and small, and there’s not a damn thing they can do to stop us.

Congratulations, Tristan!