This Week in Barrel Scraping: Goodbye, HiFi
Conservative professor Robert George created Fidelity month, a June celebration of patriotism and marriage, and literally hundreds of people are joining in.
by Alyssa Steinsiek
Late last month, friend of the Heritage Foundation and Princeton University professor Robert George twote five full tweets about celebrating something he’s just invented from whole cloth, Fidelity Month. He proposed that this new month should take place in June… shit, I wonder why? Can anybody else think of another popular month-long celebration in June that Bob might want to obfuscate?
Could Robert George, senior fellow of the American Enterprise Institute, really be a homophobe?
J’accuse! Say it ain’t so!
Now, normally I’d suggest we all just chuckle at grandpa’s antics and usher him back to bed without another word on the matter…
… except…
We’ve got a whole bunch of morons journalists conservative weirdos amplifying Bob’s nonsense. And if that isn’t enough to spin your eyes right out of your skull, the man drummed up a whole website devoted to “Fidelity Month.” Or, you know, somebody did. Maybe his nephew made it for him. They also got themselves a webinar hosted by four Ivy League assholes, one of whom—Abigail Anthony—penned that loving ode to “Fidelity Month” in the National Review.
Anthony explained that their first webinar had received over six hundred viewers, a staggering audience that rivals some Minecraft YouTube videos uploaded by ten year olds. She also pointed out that the “movement” was endorsed by many archdiocese across the country, an endorsement that I wouldn't personally celebrate too loudly.
In addition to a website, Bob’s nephew—or whoever—created a logo for “Fidelity Month.” It looks about as goofy as you’d expect.
Now to me, that looks a lot like one of those creepy Rome-glorifying RETVRN accounts got knocked up by a new crypto website and had a particularly unpleasant baby. Graphic design may be your nephew’s passion, Bob,but you might want to advise him against pursuing it as a career.
Robert is, of course, a deeply conservative man. Given his pallor and age that isn’t terribly surprising. When he talks about “Fidelity Month,” he names “patriotism, religion, marriage and family, and community” as its guiding values.
Which is kind of funny, right? Patriotism, sure, crack a Bud Light during the national anthem. Religion, to Bob, means Christianity, no surprises there. But marriage and family? I’ll be honest, I don’t think fidelity and marriage and family go hand-in-hand when it comes to conservative Christian Americans.
Remember Newt Gingrich talking divorce with his wife just after surgery for uterine cancer?
What about the Texas Republican congressman who cheated on his wife with a woman once married to an Islamic State propagandist?
What about the South Carolina representative and governor who vanished for a week while he was boinking his mistress in Argentina, a man so infidelious his escapades generated a whole new euphemism for cheating?
We know the truth. This isn’t about family values, or religious tradition, or patriotism, or whatever ridiculous line these morally bankrupt lying chuds people want to pedal to cover their asses. It’s about sticking it to the queer community. Trying to deny us our right to celebrate overcoming adversity and violent oppression.
But we know they can’t do that. We know they’ll never be able to pull it off. No matter how much they bully and beat us, legislate against us, and try to erase us from the world, we’ll always be right here.
Celebrating. As fearlessly as we can manage.
Happy Pride. We’ll see you next year.
Alyssa Steinsiek is a professional writer and video games nerd who hails from Appalachia but lives, laughs, loves in Minneapolis.
