TWIBS: Sue-Happy Professors Don’t Know Words
Two University of Texas professors are jumping on the litigatory bandwagon, filing suit against the Biden Administration over amendments made to Title IX. Unfortunately, these academics aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed!
Humor, by Alyssa Steinsiek
Hey, did you know that in April the Biden Administration finally got off their asses and delivered some of the changes to Title IX regulations they’ve been promising since before he took office? That’s really cool, don’t you think? Sure, we’re still waiting for them to issue a concrete ruling on trans athletes’ participation in school sports—they released a preliminary guide last year that would still allow de facto bans on trans student athletes participating on teams of their correct gender—but, starting in August, Title IX should theoretically protects trans students from misgendering and other forms of abuse in schools across America.
Title IX, if you aren’t savvy, is an equal opportunity law that protects students from discrimination on the basis of sex (and now, officially, gender identity) in schools nationwide. It’s been absolutely integral in granting women equal access to education in America, and has more recently been utilized to protect trans students.
And if you’re wondering why I said the amendments to Title IX should officially protect trans students in theory, it’s because more than 20 red states are now litigating against the Biden administration for telling them that they can’t abuse trans students. Given the state of anti-trans activism in America, and the unending flurry of anti-LGBTQ legislation over the last few years, it’s hard to say whether or not these changes can stick.
It isn’t just states filing suit, though–it’s also college professors. That’s right, folks, we’ve got ourselves two contenders for Dumbest Fucks in Academia, 2024! Not content with leaving black-hearted Title IX challenges to the states, Professors Daniel A. Bonevac and John Hatfield at the University of Texas have joined in to sue the Secretary of Education, Miguel Cardona, and the Department of Education itself, among others. And their complaint is… well, it’s something else, y’all.
As the most obnoxious grammar dweeb you know, I simply must start by addressing the fact that Professors Bonevac and Hatfield stated they will not respect students’ preference of they/them pronouns. Why, you might ask? Oh, surely you already know! According to these, I must reiterate, college professors, singular they is “ungrammatical,” and they refuse to “violate the rules of grammar” or make fools of themselves “to accommodate a student’s delusional beliefs.”
Yeah, that’s right. Delusional beliefs. Can you be more transparent for us, fellas? Anyway, railing against something as “ungrammatical,” or cranking your hog to the “rules of grammar,” is perhaps the lamest thing you can do if you give a shit about the English language. Colloquialisms are made and forgotten every single day, and pretending that we can’t play fast and loose with the “rules” of grammar is fucking ridiculous. Besides all that, of course, is the reality that usage of singular they dates back to at least 1375, where it’s used in a medieval romance novel that predates the Great Vowel Shift.
The professors go on to refer to transgender students as crossdressers and transvestites, making it crystal clear what their priorities are when it comes to filing this lawsuit. They’re bigots, plain and simple, and they’re mad that the law won’t let them discriminate against trans students. Not just trans students, though, because they also want to discriminate against students who get an “elective abortion,” another group protected by the Title IX amendments.
Secretary Cardona hasn’t released a public statement about this lawsuit or any of the others, but he did make his department’s intentions clear in a prior statement regarding the amendments, saying, “These regulations make it crystal clear that no one should have to abandon their educational aspirations due to discrimination.”
My dear TWIBSies already know what I think about these clowns, but I’ll put it on the record anyway: They should withdraw from their suit and then they should retire from academia, leaving the profession to normal people who can do their jobs without foaming at the mouth because a trans student wants an education.
Seriously, go kick rocks, fellas.
Alyssa Steinsiek is a professional writer who spends too much time playing video games!
