Nancy Mace Defeated, Ruined by Normal Handshake
At a reception celebrating the 25th anniversary of the Foster Care Independence Act of 1999, House Representative Nancy Mace claims to have been assaulted by a… handshake?
Humor by Alyssa Steinsiek
Buffoonish House Representative Nancy Mace’s jaw may be strong, but apparently, her wrists aren’t. Last Tuesday, she tweeted out that she had been “physically accosted” by a “pro-tr*ns [sic? What the hell?]” man, because apparently just supporting transgender people now shuffles you into an alternative state of being.
I would call that state of being normal decency. The southern smell belle Nancy Mace would, apparently, not.
Mace claimed to have needed a wrist brace, and two days later posted a picture of her arm in a sling. Where she got the sling I cannot say, as I am more certain that Nancy Mace did not see a doctor following her supposedly traumatic accosting than I have ever been about anything in my entire life. In fact, The Advocate reported that court records surrounding her alleged assaulter’s arrest explicitly stated she declined to see a paramedic.
The man who shook her hand, James McIntyre, a 33-year-old foster care rights advocate from Chicago, allegedly said to Mace, “Trans youth are also foster youth, and they need your support.” After birthing this terrifying and dangerous thought into the world, McIntyre gave Mace a double-handed shake and snapped every bone in her brittle birdlike body. Or something like that. Allegedly.
Despite being reduced to a bag of shattered bones on the ground, I assume, Mace had the presence of mind to ensure that Capitol police arrested McIntyre the night of the supposed assault. He was charged with assaulting a government official, and the police affidavit claimed the handshake was “aggressive” and “exaggerated.” I can’t tell you what that sort of complex medical jargon means, but I can tell you that McIntyre was released from custody with a no-contact order between himself and Mace, and that he pleaded not guilty to the charges.
According to eyewitness reports, the handshake was “passionate” but not violent. McIntyre used both of his hands, and the shake lasted approximately three to five seconds. If you consult the ultra slow motion footage of the handshake that Assigned Media has not acquired from anybody, you’ll agree that the footage does not exist.
The deadly handshake took place during a reception celebrating the 25th anniversary of the Foster Care Independence Act of 1999, which Mace attended because she is the co-chair of the congressional Caucus on Foster Youth, a position that I would have assumed required any capacity for kindness or warmth but, well, apparently not. According to Elliot Hinkle, a foster care advocate who spoke to The Washington Post and said they were standing near McIntyre when the handshake occurred, “What we witnessed was a handshake, a passionate shake, but it didn’t look like an assault or intended aggression.”
McIntyre has spoken as a foster care advocate about the abuse he personally experienced in the foster care system, where he was the victim of physical and sexual trauma he describes as torture. After aging out of the foster care system, he co-founded Illinois’ first Foster Care Alumni of America (FCAAIL) chapter. The chapter’s goal, he says, is to “ensure a high quality of life for those in and from foster care through the collective voice of alumni.” McIntyre was the FCAAIL chapter president from 2014 to 2019, and claims to have worked on over 25 pieces of legislation that helped foster kids in Illinois as an unpaid contract lobbyist. In November of 2019, McIntyre was one of four people named the National Association of Social Workers, Illinois Chapter’s Public Citizen of the Year.
Nancy Mace, in contrast, has spent the last month tweeting obsessively about trans people, gleefully segregating bathrooms, and joyfully saying slurs just as frequently as she can. Safe to say we here at Assigned Media think Mr. McIntyre is far cooler than Nancy, and we hope his legal dispute is settled quickly and without much trouble, and that he is able to seek redress if and when his innocence is proven.
Nancy, we hope for your speedy recovery and even speedier exit from the political landscape and the trans community’s memory!
Alyssa Steinsiek is a professional writer who spends too much time playing video games!
