How Trans People Can Survive, and Thrive: A Playbook to Meet Trump’s ‘Shock and Awe’
Veronica Esposito offers her perspective as a therapist on how to stay safe and healthy during this time of crisis.
by Veronica Esposito
Transgender people have been hit by a wave of attacks in the three weeks since President Trump’s inauguration, mostly via a series of unlawful and discriminatory executive orders. This is part of a larger strategy — “shock and awe” — that’s intended to create chaos and sow despair in large parts of the nation that are not on board with Trump’s radical agenda to re-shape the federal government and obliterate accepted facts about law, governance and the fabric of our nation.
I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist, and I’m also transgender. I specialize in serving my community, and right now I am seeing our collective fears firsthand. I am doing my best to help. I’m also doing what I can to keep myself in good shape so that I can continue to perform my job and survive the Trump years. It’s not easy, but I’ve learned a few things that I want to share.
Find ways to experience community and joy. The whole point behind Trump’s shock and awe strategy is that he and his advisors know they don’t have the authority to do what they proclaim, so they are making a big show in hopes that we’ll collectively relinquish power. It’s like when a pufferfish self-inflates to scare its enemies. We resist by finding ways to experience community and joy, and to keep building a better future in spite of his hatred.
Make plans. Do what you can right now to be safe. Do you think you need to leave the country? OK then, start researching where you can easily get a travel visa, start setting aside money and a go-bag, and plan your departure. Feeling afraid? That makes sense; start looking for support groups, reaching out to friends, and consider mindfulness meditation. Hate Trump's discriminatory actions? Call your representatives, find protests and other actions in which you can take part. Taking some steps, no matter how small, is a powerful way to counter anxiety.
Give yourself reality breaks. Yes, it’s very important to know what’s happening and to be engaged in healthy ways. It’s also important not to stay glued to Bluesky 24 hours a day—there’s a difference between catching up on the latest and endlessly scrolling for that one “last” hit of news. Breaks can be a lot of different things: you can get out into nature and forget everything for a few hours, go to a favorite cafe where everything feels normal, listen to a fun podcast while you cook a meal for someone you care about, or just disappear into a movie with a familiar, safe world. Just getting out of your house and taking a walk around the block can do wonders.
Don’t future-trip. I can’t promise anyone that there won’t be a federal ban on our medical care. I can’t promise the GOP won’t pass a law legally defining us out of existence. These things and worse may happen, but it doesn’t help to catastrophize right now. In times of crisis it’s important to remain grounded and to not think too many steps ahead about what terrible things may occur. Try to focus on what is within your control. Focus on what you can do now to help yourself and your community; trust that should the worst come to pass, you’ll be prepared.
Write out your fears. Our fears have a funny way of not looking quite so bad once they’re down on paper. Try making a list of the things that scare you most. Then start thinking about what your red lines are — things that tell you, “OK, this scary event is getting a little too close for me.” Note those and consider what you’ll do to stay safe. Try putting out your fears in a journal or discussing them with others.
Have endless self-compassion. At times of crisis it’s easy to feel like you need to be doing more, or should be putting everyone before yourself. None of that is true. Whatever you can do right now is valid and valuable, and this is definitely a time to make sure you’re paying close attention to your own mental health. Try not to be judgmental toward yourself. If you have a strong self-critical voice, it may be well-meaning but is unhelpful in protecting yourself and others. Self-kindness is a much better way.
Have something to look forward to. We all need something good to be working toward. For me it’s training to summit a mountain in the summer. Whatever it is for you—be it planning a weekend get-away, taking a community college class, leveling up in your career, making a beautiful quilt, reading all the books by a cherished author—having a goal to work toward and celebrate will provide a sense of agency and a healthy way to connect with a better future.
It’s OK to not feel OK. The nation that we thought we lived in is being torn up before our eyes, and the most powerful politician on earth is attacking us. We are absolutely going to be feeling things: grief for the world we’re losing, fear for ourselves and loved ones, anger at the institutions that have failed us, anxiety at what the coming months hold. Making space for these emotions can mean a lot of things—self-compassion, talking with a friend, calling a crisis line, using guided meditations designed to help with emotional release, journaling, using art and other creative methods, or reading a book about the trans rights struggle. The important thing is to know that these feelings will come, and they are completely appropriate.
This will eventually end. It’s important to remember that shock and awe is not a strategy that can be maintained. These days of 10 new crises every hour will eventually stop. And a lot of Trump’s discriminatory actions will be met with resistance in the courts, by mass demonstrations and by protections in Democratic states. (These things are, in fact, already happening.) While some of Trump’s hateful attacks may stick, it’s important to be aware that we are fighting back, and he will not win on all fronts. It’s also important to remember that, ultimately, we have each other. The trans community has survived decades of state-sanctioned repression. Many of us managed to transition and thrive before any politician gave us the right to gender-affirming care — if necessary, we can do that again.
If you’re feeling shaken up by recent events, you’re in good company. In fact, I’d go one further—if you’re not shaken up, I’d be concerned about you. The fact is, trans people everywhere are registering fears about things like passports, access to lifesaving medical care, hate crimes and bathroom safety. Even fears that seemed far-out suddenly don’t seem quite so outlandish.
But a lot of making it through the Trump administration is to recognize this as a battle in a longer struggle our community has waged over our identities and medical treatment. In this struggle there will be gains and there will be setbacks. After a lot of gains during the period roughly covering the mid-1990s through 2020, we are experiencing setbacks. It will be ugly for a while, but I do fully believe we can and will get through this, and that the longer march toward our liberation will continue.
We will collectively weather the storm and do what we always have — living our truth, showing up for one another, and building a world that we can live in.
Veronica Esposito (she/her) is a writer and therapist based in the Bay Area. She writes regularly for The Guardian, Xtra Magazine, and KQED, the NPR member station for Northern California, on the arts, mental health, and LGBTQ+ issues.